Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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