I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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