I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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