U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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