dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
