somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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