I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
