Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
