I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
