the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I will pee on everything he values.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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