I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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