me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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