my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
