Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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