Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
