Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
