Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Too much gin, very little bucket
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize