I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
