lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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