yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
