She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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