if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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