her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
