if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
