So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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