dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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