Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
