What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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