GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
