I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
