I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
