I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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