You're my little dorito
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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