Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize