That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
