you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
