oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
