woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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