sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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