The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
