I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
