Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
