I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
