mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
