i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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