Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
