every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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