Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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