I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
These tits shall not be calmed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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