Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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