Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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