remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
