no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
