so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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