Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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