I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
