Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
