somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
bring money and cleavage
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
