70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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