He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
