Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
