Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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