She is in my trunk
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
ttyl tear gas
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
